Shelley’s Story
Whoever said “life begins at 50” was right.
It was her 50th birthday – several weeks earlier, she had made the courageous decision to end her 25-year relationship. It was toxic. He controlled everything, what she wore, what she ate, where she went, what she said. They had two children together, both boys, both with special needs, the younger one non-verbal.
She put up with the put-downs, the control, the hurtful comments, even the injuries he inflicted. As a mum, she felt her two boys needed their father’s influence. But one day, she realised that her boys were growing up seeing that their only male role model was an abuser. She couldn’t let them pattern their lives on his, have their partners go through what she had endured, create another generation of trauma.
So she threw him out.
And he left. “You can pay the $600 a week rent, raise the boys, pay all the bills”. This was to be a new way to control her, make her beg him to return. But she didn’t.
It was midday on the 22 August 2023 – Shelley's birthday. She was trying to get some support. Asking for help was one of the hardest things she had to do. She felt embarrassed, afraid and a little ashamed. Was she eligible for help? If she wasn't, would she be spat out onto the street, judged, ignored, disbelieved? Treated like a liar whose only choices are to return to her abuser and beg forgiveness, or struggle to stay afloat somehow.
She was 41kgs, unhealthy, miserable, threatened by her doctor that if she didn’t start to eat, she would be fed intravenously. She didn’t care. Life was too tough, too lonely and she was 50. Some birthday!
She saw our purple van -it’s in the same place every week. Today, she is drawn to it like a magnet. One of our volunteers approached her- “hello lovely” she said, would you like to have a cuppa with us? Shelley nodded - “tea would be nice”. The volunteer asks, “what are you up to today?” Shelley burst into tears. Floods of tears and floods of words – her words describing her struggles gushing out, and ending with, “and I turned 50 today”.
Shelley has been embraced into the 4 Voices family ever since.
Recently, we asked her what we had done for her, as there have been many volunteers helping out.
She sent me an email in response and said:
You listened and encouraged me, and never once did you judge me.
You helped me get utility bills into my name.
You helped me fill out my domestic violence paperwork not once, but twice.
You took me to court because I was too nervous to go alone.
You supported me to consider how to get back to work.
You made me business cards and flyers to start my own gardening business.
You introduced me to other organisations who could help
You always checked in on me if I didn't visit that week
You gave us new phones when ours were broken.
You sourced a washing machine for us, gave us food and petrol vouchers
You introduced us to your amazing team who we think are wonderful.
You all do it with grace and dignity.
I couldn't have done it without you.
Like many women in similar predicaments, Shelley needed encouragement, reinforcement, and a team to stand alongside her. She is a weekly visitor to 4 Voices, she comes for the cuppa, the warmth of a conversation, the practical advice and help, the concern and the friendships. She has reduced her cost base by moving into a cheaper rental, she’s increased her income by setting up the gardening business, and she has made that house a home, warm, inviting and full of love and laughter. She has regained her lost weight and now enjoys food, her boys and the peace that comes with knowing she will survive. Oh, and one of the best things that has happened is that her younger son has found his voice, and after 12 years of silence, he is making up for lost time!
To put a cuppa into Shelley’s hands, it cost us $4. There are many thousands of women like Shelley, not knowing where to start or how to ask for help. Can you help us put a cuppa into their hands?